A Message from the Past

Every year I sit down just before the ball drops and the confetti rains and I write down my goals and aspirations for the coming year. Then I fold it up and tuck it into my wallet and fight the urge to read it again until a year passes. By that time I forget what I have written and I get to evaluate whether the year was a 'success' or 'failure'.

As I sit to write my aspirations for 2012, this is what I have to reflect upon from the 2010 edition:

[Written December 31, 2010]
Well, to say the least, 2010 was not what was expected. It was hard, difficult indeed for all those reasons. There were so many lost promises to others, but more importantly to yourself. At this point you really haven't done anything. By now you're out of college, but what else? I hope you are reading this from a small apartment on the coast, taking off your suit and settling in after a successful day. I hope you are in love, laughing everyday, fulfilling all of your dreams. I hope you got published, I hope your social network spans far beyond Facebook.
But most of all I hope you have become a man among boys, a gentleman in every way possible. I hope you worry about your looks, I hope you stopped swearing at every instant, I hope you stopped being afraid to do what's right. I hope you worked hard and never settled.
No more promises. No more guarantees. 2011 is going to be the year that defines you as a person. This is a challenge, did you live up to it and take those chances, make those mistakes and give it all you had?
Live, Love, Laugh

The Hunt Begins

First, I must apologize. There is supposed to be a new short story posted, Twitter says so. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get around to completely posting it today. See, I was job hunting.

Yes, even wannabe authors need a day job.

If I had it my way I would leave this life and shack up in a cramped studio apartment downtown and live off Ramen and just tweak my novel for the next 6 months, letting my beard grow long, lighting candles to save on electricity and avoiding my landlord at the end of each month.

But my parents weren't in full support of that plan. And despite how great that life sounds, they are probably right.

So armed with a cup of Seattle coffee (I missed you while away) I entered several establishments (sorry, no free advertising here) and handed in applications. I am still scouring the web and posting resumes everywhere.

Crossing fingers that something comes up quick, something fun and exciting, something that gets me meeting people in this neighborhood. Really, I just want something!

"The Old Year," by John Clare

The Old Year's gone away
To nothingness and night:
We cannot find him all the day
Nor hear him in the night:
He left no footstep, mark or place
In either shade or sun:
The last year he'd a neighbour's face,
In this he's known by none.

All nothing everywhere:
Mists we on mornings see
Have more of substance when they're here
And more of form than he.
He was a friend by every fire,
In every cot and hall--
A guest to every heart's desire,
And now he's nought at all.

Old papers thrown away,
Old garments cast aside,
The talk of yesterday,
Are things identified;
But time once torn away
No voices can recall:
The eve of New Year's Day
Left the Old Year lost to all.





With New Yer's less than 48-hours away, this seemed appropriate. A Happy 2012 to all!

Finally home

Sometimes I say things like this because I think I'm funny (and very modest), but the washer tried to eat my shirt this afternoon. No really! I had to pull the sucker out from under the agitator, I thought it was a goner for sure.

Welcome home to me!

After departing Hancock Airport at 6am EST this morning I arrived in Seattle about 10:30 local time. I love how traveling west saves you those three hours. I also love that I am more comfortable in this neighborhood than when I was in my own hometown, maybe its the convenience of being in the suburbs here, not the farm country of Upstate New York.

Or maybe it means I'm home.

I discovered somethings about myself in my three weeks in New York. For one, I drive faster, which doesn't sound like much probably, but to a 22-year old kid that once felt like he was a 45 year old father driving a minivan around town and following speed limits, it was a sweet realization.

I also realized I'm much more outspoken about my beliefs after spending 6 months in Seattle. I have always considered myself a liberal, but in the words of an old man I met here my first week, I've become a 'liberal' liberal. Really though, being here has just enhanced my positions on marijuana legalization (for), gay rights (pro) and some other usual hot topic issues. I found myself arguing with my own father this break about why gay marriage should be legal, and not that either of us came away with a different stance, but to feel like I could stand my ground on the issue and believe in what I was saying was a first.

Some friends come and go, and some last forever. The ones that last forever are the ones you can see after years of being apart and can pick up in conversations like you had been away only a few hours. I saw my old high school friends for a great but way too short reunion and reminisced about old Spanish teachers and skipping class, getting into (and out of) trouble. As hard as we try to push away certain parts of our pasts, it is refreshing to miss it. I love them all and thank them for creating the person I was then and am now.

And finally, not that this was news, but I realized that Seattle is my home. I love my family, I miss them dearly when I leave, and I miss my friends and glimpses of my old life, but the only reason I appreciate them so much is because of my time here. I have grown into a child, and chased away the old man inside of me.

Welcome home.

Winter's Chill

There's a chill under my skin that I can't shake.

It must be Christmas!

The winter air has lingered, staying cold and unfriendly despite their being no more than traces of snow. If I ever move across state lines again I'm picking a place that is sunny and warm twelve months out of the year. Seattle is great, but I know that when I get back in a week the weather will be the same as it is here in Syracuse.

But there is a certain joy from sitting in front of a roaring fire and feeling the heat soak into your body and heat your bones. Something about the warmth of a flame that feels better than any other heat source (the only exception being a loving woman).

Nevertheless, having to curl under a blanket and throw on an extra hoodie has my mind wandering to warmer climates. I missed the sun so much today I changed my Facebook picture to a summer shot of Alki Beach, just to add a little sunshine into my life.

Too desperate?

But with each chill in my toes my mind races to warm sand under my feet, the rush of sea water crashing against the shore, and cool margarita in my hand and sun tanned skin. I find myself reclined in a beach chair with a good book, with the soothing melody of wooden chimes in the wind.

No worries, only six months until the sun really comes back.

But for now, care for a margarita?

Early progress

There was a dusting of snow on the ground this morning. Will it stick around, will there be a white Christmas after all? Who knows, but it would be nice.

I got motivated today and wrote a whole 2,000 words between eating lunch and watching the noon time news. I feel like that was a lot considering my lack of motivation during this time home. Problem is it was scattered over three separate shorts.

I don't think that's how it's supposed to work, but that's just how my brain functioned this morning. Poor thing is all confused ...

Where's the snow?

I never quite understood what Seattlites meant when they said Seattle rain wasn't real rain. What is real rain? Isn't water falling from the sky and soaking my mood considered real rain?

It took me coming back to Central New York and watching the raindrops splashing off the pavement outside my porch window to see real rain, not the Seattle mist.

By the way CNY, where's the snow? It's December 22nd and it's 45 degrees outside. What gives?

I'm rattling an idea in my brain for an alternative Christmas story, sort of a 'Miracle on 34th Street' meets 'Men in Black'. I think it'll be a fun project, although the more I think about it the less I'm motivated to start writing it. But I consider it a good way to step out of my element a little. I write way too many first person romance stories, and being a single male, I'm not really into creating a love life for someone else at this point.

My goal has become to write 1000 words per day. I figure if I can write that much, no matter what I'm writing, my motivation will stay up and I'll be knocking off small projects in no time.

I'm also trying to decide on submitting a flash fiction piece. It's hard being my own worse critic.

Being Accountable

The whole point to create a blog (besides selfish promotion) is to for a base of accountability. For years I have wanted to write and follow certain dreams, but I've discovered since moving to West Seattle that I am, believe it or not, extremely lazy! There was never a push to finish those small projects, and my large ones stared at me with ridicule.

This is where that changes!

Here's a list of the things I hope to accomplish in my life, some short term, others very long term:

Graduate college (DONE!)
Move cross country (DONE)
Write a book (HALF DONE 12/20/2011)
Publish collection of poetry and shorts (HALF DONE 12/20/2011)
Write a movie script
Have my script turned into a movie
Buy my own home
Own my own car (DONE)
Buy a cow
Get married
Have kids
Retire Young
Own my own restaurant
Get those 6-pack abs!

There are many, many more which I'm sure will be added over time, and you will be updated on the progression of the writing projects (again, selfish promotion). I know that I am not alone in these endeavors, so like the URL suggests, this is a place to talk about your progress. Nag me, please, we all need a little push every now and then to stay motivated.

Set unreasonable goals and believe you can achieve extraordinary results. Don't live up to your expectations and settle there, exceed them!

New Year's Resolutions

Is it time already to start thinking about my New Year's resolutions?

I do this every year, but this year I have a new found confidence that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I mean, last year (like the three years prior) I was trying to get myself to travel and see the country. Then back in June, after graduation, I picked up and moved clear cross the country from Upstate NY to Seattle, WA. So what's keeping me from accomplishing this year's list of resolutions? If I can leave my family, friends and life and start completely new on the other side of the world, I could certainly:

Finish my novel (half done as of now)
Maintain a steady 200 pound body weight, and get some definition (Yes, I may be the only person looking to GAIN weight this year)

Not really difficult, right? And within those goals is my added necessity to find steady work, generate a reliable income stream and eat better (I've nailed the healthy, now the quantity must be checked), and getting out to experience more. So here we go!

Last year I told myself to stop making promises, to stop making these resolutions because, quite frankly, they mean diddly when instead of exercising you're playing video games and being antisocial. But over the past 6 months I've learned to take myself less seriously, I've learned to conquer my fears (though I'm still working on that).

In 2012, I want to get my heart broken, I want to go out and wake up on a Thursday morning and forget what happened the night before. I want to be confident and cash in, wear a tie around my neck, dance and climb mountains, I want to break my emotional barriers and release my creativity. I want to explore what it means to be human, and push my body to the point of exhaustion just to see how it feels. I want to catch looks of desire at the beach and the diner, sipping coffee between flirtatious exchanges.

I want to continue living.

My resolution is to keep doing what I've been doing, only better!

That is my main reason behind this blog, because I have given up so many times before with my dreams and hopes. I am hoping this gives me some level of accountability, a way to guilt myself into accomplishing what I say I want to do. Time for more action, less talk!

The Big Move

June 5, 2011

Now I’m just a boy on a mission to manhood.

When I last wrote, I had just gone through one of the more physically demanding journeys of my life. At that point I made it clear to myself and to you that that was the beginning to something great and wonderful in my life. Well, action speaks louder than words, and I set out to do something that would change my life forever. At the point of the last entry (which was some time ago) I began researching a move to the west coast, something that I had always dreamed of doing since I knew the west coast existed. I guess I always had a nomadic soul, and I was always itching to move.

Well, after some research, I found a nice home with a room for rent in Seattle, WA, living with two other people I had never met before. Talk about a risk. All of my friends and family gawked at such a decision, but I knew this was my way into a new world. So after a series (a long series) of emails and a consequent phone call, it was all set up, I would be living in a basement room sharing a house with two “strangers” (I use that term loosely, after all, strangers are just family you have yet to meet).

I would tell you that the time leading up to my departure were nerve racking, but that would be a clear understatement. I had to go through graduation from college, saying goodbye to my family and friends, and try to come to the realization I was moving almost 3000 miles away from home, away from everything and anything I have ever known. Yea, to say I was nervous is not doing my emotions justice.

But somehow, I managed to say goodbye to my mom, dad and brother, all of whom were on the edge of tears, at the airport last Thursday morning while boarding the 5:40 am flight from Syracuse, NY to Seattle, WA (briefly stopping in Philly) and I was on my way. Those tears from my mom ate at me the whole plane trip, and I myself had to choke back a few while being surrounded by passengers on the airplane. But I had to be strong, for no one except myself, because this was my dream, and you can never compromise on your dreams.

The hardest part of this whole trip came once I got into Seattle, and had to navigate my way 15 miles North to West Seattle from the Seattle/Tacoma Airport. Readers, if you take nothing else from any of my writing, take this: When traveling, whether it’s up the street or to the other side of the country, pay attention to your surroundings, and read anything that can give you an ounce of information about those surroundings. After receiving some help from an airport security officer, I made it to the public transport stop, and started reading the schedule. It took me asking three different bus drivers before I was on the right bus. The reason I say to pay attention is because a girl not too much younger than me (I’m a week shy of 22) got on a bus that even I knew wasn’t going where she wanted. She exited the bus with some not so kind words for the driver, but really could’ve saved herself lots of trouble if she read the big digital readout on the top of all the buses in the country. JUST READ PEOPLE! Anyway, I was off, although still a little disappointed the cute TSA woman didn’t give me a pat down.

West Seattle, dropped off on a random street and told to head “that way”, which I come to find out is North. I must insert here that I had nearly 70 pounds of luggage (I was moving my whole life here) and I was told to walk over half a mile in “that direction”. Longest ½ mile of my life! But I made it, safe and exhausted, home at last.

I am lucky to say that my housemates aren’t home yet. As I write this I am in my fourth day in West Seattle and still have two days to be here alone. This has helped me to focus on seeing the neighborhood, find out where the beach is, and get adjusted to some of the quirks of my home. Someday I will get the nerve to post about the house, but for now, I leave you guessing.

For the next series of my posts I am probably going to try and feed you some of the knowledge I have gained from this whole experience. I want you all to know I am not a travel expert or a tour guide, and I am just passing things on as I see them. But I feel like the only ones with any credible advice on how to go about succeeding in a life like this are those who have lived it. So, I hope to pass knowledge onto you.

The plan for the future lies like a telephone wire: dangling in the wind, only supported by a few strong points and ever vulnerable to storms. I will attempt to budget my money (which I can see will be a problem here) by keeping ALL of my receipts and a detailed list of the money I spend from day to day. At the end of every month, we’ll see if I improve on my spending habits at all, and hopefully these first few weeks are the worst. I have already found the University of Washington, which in my opinion has a beautiful campus (remember I was in college in Northern New York at a fairly small school). I have to get a Metro card to keep me from having to carry change for the bus, which seems to have a semi-decent system for lugging my butt around town (I know exactly how to get two blocks from Safeco Field, that was enough for me). But now I need to get active, find some people to play Ultimate Frisbee with, find a job and meet some people. I have some connections which will help immensely, but it never hurts to have too many friends.

So four days in and I haven’t burned down the house, I only got lost in my neighborhood once, and I’m not starving. So far I would call this experiment a success!

Stay tuned for more and please, if you see anything you would like to comment on, I love feedback. I’m a writer; it’s the only way we get better!

Where it all began ...

This is where I truly think the whole obsession began. We were all up before the crack of dawn, four college kids from SUNY Potsdam, ready to embark on a journey that we were far from prepared for. I'm Mike, a Math/Business major with little hiking experience. With me are Jen, a long distance runner studying Biology, preparing for a future in sports medicine, and Bonna, another runner, studying to be a teacher and EMT. Then comes our fearless leader, Mat, whose hiking experience trumps all of ours, and then some. Here we are, just four students piling our supplies, our packs, our snowshoes into my minivan (I actually admitted to it) for a journey we never expected.

We were now on our way to the base of Mount Marcy, the tallest mountain in New York state.

Of course we were excited, or as excited as our tired bodies would allow. Mat, with all of his common sense, was asleep long before we had settled in the night before. The rest of us, in our infamous wisdom, now faced a 10 hour hike on 2 hours sleep. By Mat's calculations, the hike would more or less take that long, 10 hours to complete 16 miles. For anyone unfamiliar with Marcy, it usually takes hikers upwards of 12 hours to complete the round trip. But we are all athletic and would make it up in no problem. Back to that later.

When we finally arrived, nearly two hours of slippery driving and close calls with snow plows later, the reality had not set in yet. Snow shoes felt funny on my feet, and they were easily a foot too long for the trip we taking.

Optimism slowly left us. The snowshoes dragged on my feet, my ankles hurting more than I can remember. For the first 2.4 miles we kept a fabulous pace. And when we reached the Marcy Dam, the scenery gave us all the hope that today was going to be a wonderful experience.

That feeling did not last long.

As the miles wore on, Mat's experience began to shine through, and he pulled ahead of us. Slowly we realized our athletic ability was built for distance running, or in my case, for as little cardio work as possible.

After several hours, the forest broke into a fabulous view of the Adirondack range that surrounded us. Although our spirits withered, a little hope was restored as the sun cast its rays over the region. Only 2.5 miles at this point from the summit, and all we could think was will it ever end?

It never felt like we would reach the top. But distance was not our problem anymore. The sun was fading as we reached closer to lunch time. The slopes got steeper, the air colder and the wind angrier. Finally Jen, Bonna and I reached a clearing and paused, trying to figure out how far ahead Mat was. We reached sheets of ice and soon discovered our snowshoes were ill equipped for the rest of the journey. We found ourselves in sight of the peak, with no way to reach it.

I will spare the details of our ordeal at the top, but heartbroken and exhausted, we decided to rest, eat lunch and trek back down the mountain while Mat finished the climb. Mat, I might add, is a Wilderness Education student at SUNY Potsdam, at was much more equipped with sharper snowshoes and his trusty ice pick. He was the only one really ready for this trip.

Although I am envious that he actually reached the top and we could not, I have to say that when all was said and down he presented each of us with a piece of the summit. He gave us all a small piece of Adirondack Anorthacite, a rock that the earth physically cannot produce anymore. That may have been one of the kinder gestures I've seen in a long time, and I extend my thank you to Mat. I may not have got it myself, but now I can look at the summit from the comfort of my desk.

In some cases the dissent was harder than the climb. Our muscles screamed with every step, trying not to run and stress our joints more. My knee ached with more pain then when I tore my MCL, and although I try not to complain in my life, I did a whole lot of it on this trip. Remember how the trip was supposed to take even experienced climbers 12 hours, and we were pacing for 10? Well, from the time the shoes were strapped on to the time I ripped them off, it took 8 1/2 hours. I was impressed myself.

I hate to say this, for fear of scaring anyone from experiencing what I did, but I do not recommend this trip to anyone that does not hike regularly or snowshoe regularly. I had never strapped snowshoes to my feet and climbing the tallest mountain in New York was not a good first choice. But I assure you, at the end of the day I think about the scenery I was able to witness, the sunshine on the snowy ridge, and despite the pain I am glad I got through it and I do not regret it.

I plan on going back to Marcy some day, next time in the summer. I want to climb her at a pace that would take an actual 10 hours, and enjoy her a little more. Next time though, I will get those extra 100 feet and touch the highest point in the Adirondacks. Someday I will.

This is where my obsession with seeing the world has begun. When you feel as though you can see the whole world below your feet, all you want to do is reach out and touch it all.

That is what I want to do, hold it all in my hand.

(A special thank you to Bonna for snapping some wonderful pictures on the trip, memories that we will all hold close to our hearts for the rest of our lives)